If you were picturing me on a tropical beach paradise, you might need to re-set your mental camera. This is not the lush, tropical Thailand of the Hangover II. We are in Cha-Am, which was touted as the largest stretch of white sand in Thailand. It was also described as a family vacation spot - great for tourists. So far, it is neither of those things.
The beach is more brown than white - the water more brown than blue or green. All along the beach are jellyfish remains - apparently it is jellyfish season here and none of the locals are swimming. My bathing suit and sarong aren't getting the workout I thought they would. :(
As far as family fun - I would say not. Unless your family likes to spend a lot of time with prostitutes, and then I would say, "This is the place for you!" They sit along the road in these small bars and call out to all of the passersby to get some attention. It is annoying at this point - I crave seeing normal (relatively) people or the travelers I met in Chiang Mai. It is much more expensive here - you pay for staying on the beach - as you do everywhere, but it doesn't seem to quite be worth it.
But, I don't want to complain. As I write this, I am sitting here on the beach - just watching the tide roll in and out. It makes me wax poetic a bit. I am rethinking everything that has happened on this journey - 85% of which I haven't really written about. I can talk about how I have changed and what I have learned, but I can't really convey the feelings and emotions of all of this. I can talk about how I need to make a change in my life back home - but I think if you have been closely paying attention to what I am writing, you can see that.
Much will be changing when I return. It is time. For too long I have made concessions and stifled parts of myself for fear of hurting others. In the process I have hurt myself the most. In every arena, I am preparing for growth. I feel like back when I was just in Chiang Mai and my soul was getting too big for my body. I have stretched just enough that what fit me before this trip at home no longer fits. Time, space and distance have all shown me that my value is much greater than I even believed it to be.
We operate out of fear much of the time. At least I do - fear of the thoughts and opinions of others if I am my true self. Fear of my actual true self. I have let go of some of that fear here. As an assignment for one of my classes while I was here, I had to write my bucket list and eulogy. What a powerful way to reinforce that I can't be afraid anymore in order to have the life I deserve.
For all that I have learned here I need to send out some thanks - I thank my travel companions - Ally, Cory, Ellen, Malinda and Tara for teaching me many things about life and travel. I thank especially Cory for helping me find a part of myself that was lost for a bit.
I leave this place in two days, and I am ready to come home. I want to re-group before heading back out into the world. And I will do that for sure.
"Next time I ll be braver - I'll be my own savior when the thunder calls for me.
Next time, I'll be braver - I'll be my own savior standing on my own two feet." - Adele
Sent from my iPad