I have a mere 30 minutes left now until I board. I decided to take the last of my travel money and spend it in the airport spa - certainly time and money well spent, and much better than sitting and crying in an airport. Just like before, I went through the Finnish Sauna, Herbal Sauna, Steam Room and Mineral Pool. I got to shower, wash my face, wash my hair - I even threw away my pants (they were too big and were just gross anyway). I then got a body scrub from Nadia - my favorite Finn so far. She gave me my massage here - nearly a month ago - and I was glad to see her again. The scrub worked wonders on my adventure scars ;), and then she rubbed mint oil into my skin that is so powerful, I can still taste the mint on my tongue. It was just what I needed.
I drank lots of water and grapefruit juice to rehydrate after the rum and flight. I feel clear headed and just like my new self.
I am not sad anymore. I realized that I was alone for the first time (really alone) in a month. I am somewhere completely foreign, where (other than Nadia) no one knows me. I am fine with that. I am actually enjoying it right now. I think I was feeling like there were things un-done or un-decided in Thailand. I realized during all of the soaking and sweating, that the answers I have been seeking are here with me right now. They only exist inside of myself - not in some far away place. I don't need to go anywhere to find them, I just need to be silent and listen. It took me traveling thousands of miles to end up here - alone - and I have exactly what I am looking for :) And that makes me very happy.
In the fogginess that was my sadness this morning, I forgot to say the following:
I am very blessed to have had this experience. Some people live their entire lives and never get to do something like what I just did. I couldn't have done that without support, faith and love from home. Thank you - loved ones - for keeping it all going while I am gone. Especially you, Heather. I have gratitude for all that I have done and seen - even the painful stuff. I cannot wait to begin my next adventure - but in saying that I know that my adventure is living my life with new realizations and a new perspective.
I started this blog back in January on a quest for balance and health. I feel like I have found it in so many ways on this journey. I can't live a life without laughter, treating myself kindly (aka spa treatments, good food, and exercise), being around people I like and love, taking breaks, dancing, exploring, being creative, and sometimes just sitting in silence in a place where no one knows me. I have lived without these things for far too long, and now it is time to take what I know and apply it to my everyday life. I am ready - really ready to come home.
P.S. That doesn't mean I don't want to travel off somewhere soon. Who wants to come with me? ;)